It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
