Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
