david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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