How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
