as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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