your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
