my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
