Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
