I faked an abortion last night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
