I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
