i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Send help, water and tortillas.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
