Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
