I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
