I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
