you have to choose: penises or morals?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
