You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
