Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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