I'm really into asian looking animals
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
