I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
