Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
