Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
