I hate your face
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
