Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
