When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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