This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
