we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
