so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
