You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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