cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
