I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
