1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
