so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
