I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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