Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you had me at cake vodka
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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