I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
