loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
