Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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