I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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