so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
