If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
COCAINE IS GR8
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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