Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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