We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
