i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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