Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
