Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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