I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
