i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
