Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
