Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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