I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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