R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
