I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just gift wrapped bread.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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