I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
