were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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