I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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