I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
