dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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