Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
