As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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