He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
