There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
