If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
