Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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