I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
