it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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