Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
