Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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