i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
