STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
