Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
