im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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