Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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