Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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